The State of Dating!

Hello my loyal readers! I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything….I hope this piece was worth the wait. My Boston Latino Tv co-host Gil and I wrote his and hers columns for El Mundo newspaper for their Valentines Edition. It was a lot of fun to write this piece. I would love to hear where you all think the STATE OF DATING is.

I’ve posted the uncut version here on my blog, but you can see the wonderful spread at www.El Mundoboston.com the 2/10/11 edition. Pages 12 and 13.

Eve – is a social butterfly, a Latina with a great sense of humor, appreciates fine wine and gourmet food, loves to read, is not a fan of chick flicks and enjoys Latin dancing!

The State of Dating
The state of dating is not very good. Most men my age want to date women that are 10 years younger than they are. I could date younger men but they are not very interesting and are not looking for a relationship. There is a shortage of men in Boston but if you date outside the box you will find some gems.

What's in, what's out?
The old fashioned norms are out the window and you can have any type of relationship that suits your needs. You can be mutually exclusive, in an open relationship, or single and dating.

Can ladies ask men on dates?
Of course we can! Those of us that have the courage to do it should just ask them out on simple dates. Men these days are not accustomed to women asking them out so they might be pleasantly surprised when we do. Note to ladies: be ready for rejection they might not want to go out with you. Note to guys: If she’s asking you out it’s because she’s interested, no fear of being rejected here! It’s practically pre approval. Be polite if you have to turn us down.

What the heck is hooking up?!!
According to UrbanDictionary.com “hooking up” means any form of getting action, such as, making out, feeling things, or oral pleasure or sex between 2 people. "A hook up" is what’s referred to as doing those things when you are not going out with anyone. This is not what it meant when I was growing up; it meant to meet anyone somewhere. Ex: Juan and I are going to hook up after work and go to a movie.

Is it really possible to have a successful "sex with benefits" relationship?
Yes, as long as the woman does not have any type of romantic feelings for the man. If this is the type of relationship you want, talk about it and set the ground rules for it.

What's stays the same - man paying for the at least the first date?
This has evolved somewhat….men still want to pay for the first date but they want the ladies to do the “reach in”. Example: Reach into your purse like you are going to pay and the he gets to be all gallant and manly and say “I got that. Put your money away”. At this point offer to pay the tip and he might concede and let you do that. Note to ladies: Never leave your house with an empty wallet. After a couple dates offer to take him out to dinner and pay the tab!

How long before the guy calls after a date?
2 days tops, he shouldn’t wait too long. I thank him for the date at the end of it. If he doesn’t call ….next! Note: If a man is interested…he will call as soon as he can and/or will secure a second date at the end of the first.

How long do you wait for first base (kissing), second base (intimate touching) and third base (sexual that isn't sex itself.), home run (Sex. Plain and simple)?
Ladies cherish your bodies and take it slow. Who wants to kiss a stranger? Spend time together doing things, talking, learning about each other. The more time you spend together the better equipped you will be to make a decision about when you want to kiss, touch, sleep with this man. The first kiss is important and men will try to rush you along (see Gil’s response). Wait until you have a good handle on his personality and hygiene habits. If he flosses his teeth then go for it! The first kiss is important so make it memorable. Note to men: We don’t like to be rushed. It’s all about whether we feel comfortable and attracted to you.

Ladies give yourself enough time to weed out the losers, the A#&holes, the criminally insane, the bi-polars, the ones that want to “hit it and quit it”, the dumb dumbs, the ones with anger/trust/commitment/communication issues, the married guys, the liars and the weirdos and you have to have the STD conversation too. Ladies, you know that if you have “feelings” for the guy and you sleep with him too soon and he never calls you again…you will feel bad. Men will not say no whenever you offer up the “goodies”…they will also not stick around if they have to work too hard to get it. If he can’t wait for you…move on, sex is all he wanted and you will have avoided some heartache. We all want a man that will put in the effort to get our hearts and our “goodies”. Even Steve Harvey author of “Act Like a Lady, think like a Man” says to make men wait 90 days for sex.

When is a good time to change your Facebook status to "in a relationship”? Never!
I keep my relationship status private. If you are using using Facebook as a way to meet potential dates, then by all means share it. I find it particularly annoying when people on Facebook comment and offer their opinions when people change their relationship status. If I want opinions, sympathy, celebration or a shoulder to cry on, I will seek counsel in the real world…not in the virtual world. The person I am dating should be secure enough in our relationship not to need me to broadcast it on Facebook.

This advice might not apply to you and you may not agree with it. I think it's good sound advice and it might work for you if you try it. Share your comments and let me know what is going on in your dating world!

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